The other morning I am downstairs putting lunches together, when all hell breaks out upstairs. Screaming, shouting, crying, doors banging, the whole nine yards. My first response is the old standby "Don't make me come up there."
That doesn't make any difference so I move on to my particular favourite, "Someone is going to get hurt, and I will do the hurting." Still no effect.
They have forced me to bring out the big guns, my last resort, the seldom used but no less potent, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it". Amazingly, the commotion continues unabated, if anything the uproar grows louder. It would appear that I am losing my touch and I really need to come up with a whole new series of threats.
Realising that my bellowing was only adding to the furor, I stomp upstairs to pull the culprits apart. Sidney & Grady, with tears streaming down their faces are squaring off in the upstairs hall.
Grady appears to be the most coherent - everything's relative - so I asked him what happened. "Sid kicked me in the nuts" he accused.
I turned to Sid "Did you kick your brother in the ahh .." - stumbling for want of a better term - "nuts ?" I ask. Unrepentantly she answers in the affirmative. I lecture her on the perils of kicking Grady in that part of his anatomy and finish up by asking her why she did it. "Because he hit me first ..." she replies ".. and I was aiming for his head". Glad to hear the karate lessons paid off, and OK, so hers was not necessarily an unprovoked attack and I turn back to Grady and give him a similar lecture.
Finally thinking I have convinced them of the error of their ways, I inquire as to why Grady pummeled Sid in the first place, totally gobsmacked by his answer "Because she was watching me clean my teeth." WTF ?
We haven't even got to the skort episode yet, because yes, sadly they of swollen nuts, sore stomach and tear stained faces were heading off to school for picture day.
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