End Of Days

It is well documented in this blog that I don't like Thursdays. I don't just dislike them more than other days, I positively detest them with every fiber of my being, and that's a lot of fiber. I even prefer Mondays over Thursdays, after all there is a certain satisfaction at the beginning of the week in kicking the kids off to school and their spelling tests, while I indulge in a coffee and the newspaper.  

If something bad is going to happen to me, it happens on a Thursday. I have yet to receive a speeding ticket (although my dear husband insists it is just a matter of time), but if I do, I just know it will be on a Thursday. Thursdays are a "Bad Moon Rising" kind of day. I always wake up on a Thursday expecting Armageddon, and if the world is still turning Friday morning, I am pleasantly surprised.

This Thursday was no different. The first thing I hear is Lindsay, "Mum" she screeched, "The cat barfed on the floor and I stepped in it". Not sure what I am supposed to do, but I toss her a roll of paper towel and tell her to knock herself out - which I probably shouldn't because my daughter is renown for her clumsiness, and might just do it. 

Which is a nice segue into problem number two. "Mum" (Lindsay again) "I think there may be something wrong with my phone". Well peachy, (we all know the word I really used, but I've been instructed to clean up my act after Rob overheard Sidney mutter my favourite phrase - accent and all - so we'll just go with "peachy"). That would be the same phone that we had to replace less than 3 months ago. Although I had paid a monthly premium to insure her previous phone, I still had to part with a hefty sum to replace it - and only two days after the warranty ran out.  That was a Thursday too ! 

It turns out that yes, there is something wrong with Lindsay's phone, on account of the fact she happened to have dropped it in the toilet. Go figure. Who knew that Blackberrys don't work after being submerged in the loo. Lindsay is apparently distraught - I say apparently because she has been angling after an upgrade to an IPhone, so this could be deemed a fortuitous event.

Lindsay is pleading that it was an accident, and I explain that an accident is when the Titanic hit an iceberg, her phone taking a dive in the loo was sheer stupidity. Wrong move, this prompts Grady to launch into one of his conspiracy theories. Apparently 8 out of 10 people think the Titanic was sunk on purpose. I have absolutely no idea where he gets these ideas, but he is on a roll now, and it is just way too much for me to handle at 7:00 A.M.

I stagger downstairs, with only one thought in mind - coffee! We all know I'm not my best before my morning brew. I reach the kitchen only to find Sid draped dramatically across the kitchen table. Uh oh, that doesn't bode well. Sure enough a little voice groans "I'm sick". At this point I think I uttered my third "Peachy" of the morning. It's a Thursday after all. 

Trying to inject concern in my voice when I'm inwardly thinking "Peachy! Peachy! Peachy!" I inquire as to her problem. "I'm dizzy. In fact I'm so dizzy, I almost fell down the stairs and I'm so dizzy that when daddy was doing my hair (for the record, I don't cook and I don't do hair) I almost fell off my chair and when .." I get the picture. She has tried every other symptom this week; nausea, diarrhea, sore throat, headache, cold, but dizzy was a new one. Got to give her points for creativity. 

I can't imagine where she has honed her craft. Only yesterday, Grady informed me he had a sinus infection, he almost got away with it too (he is after all a consummately better actor than his sister) except he followed it up with the question "What is a Sinus Infection?".  I think after the menstrual cramps debacle (see post for Feb. 24/2012) he is a little more cautious as to what he will admit to suffering from. 

So here it is 7:05 on a Thursday morning, and so far I have a vomiting cat, a worthless phone, a lecture on the Titanic, a hypochondriac child and at this point still no coffee. If that isn't a portent for the End Of Days, I don't know what is.