Up Yours ! The Preview.

Warning - Not for the faint of heart ! 

My husband had to go in for a colonoscopy - yes nothing is sacred in this blog. I personally thought the whole process was hilarious, starting with the two days prior to the procedure where he spent most of his waking hours up close and personal with the toilet. Followed by the event itself,  I mean what is funnier than having a camera stuck up your arse ? As long as it is happening to someone else. 

One such preparation was an enema. Not any old enema mind you, but one where you have to lie on your side on the bathroom floor, do the deed and then leap on to the toilet within 5 seconds.  I'd love to know what idiot wrote those instructions. What the hell are they thinking ? If that were me prone on the floor, 5 seconds wouldn't even see me rolled over. One nice touch was the suggestion that the recipient may want to have someone to assist them with the process of administering the enema. Oh yeah right, I'm sure people are just lined up around the block for that fun task. 

So, two days of enemas and a liquid diet. One minute he is sitting there quietly watching TV, when suddenly a panicked look crosses his face and it's the ten yard dash to the toilet. Woe betide anyone or anything that got in his way. His bathroom was designated a "No-fly" zone for the duration.

As readers of this blog will have ascertained, I'm somewhat lacking the sympathy gene, but believe me, I more than made up for it on those few days with comic one liners and my witty repartee. Maybe not so witty for Rob, but the kids and I had a blast at his expense.  If he wants to set the record straight, he will have to start writing his own blog. Until that time comes, my version of events is gospel.

So, two days of hilarity and then the smile was wiped right off my face. Turns out, as this was an invasive procedure (snicker) and he would be under general anesthetic, he is not allowed to drive. Initially he wasn't due to be admitted until midday, which was just fine with me. Maybe it was co-incidence or maybe it was karma, but every few days he would receive notice that the procedure had been brought forward a couple of hours. This is where it stopped being funny, on account of the fact that I now had to get up at some ungodly hour and drive him to the hospital for 5:00 A.M. All was not lost though, as I spent the drive tantalizing him with my Tim's extra large black coffee.  Payback's a bitch. 

To be continued ......