You Don't Call Me Normal Anymore !

Today is one of those days when I seriously wonder if I wouldn't be better off in a padded cell, nice and cosy in a straitjacket. I also have to question my children. Is it better that they fight to the death ? Or have them get along and then gang up against me ?

This morning I dropped Lindsay and her friend off at high school, and return to get the others. I pull in the driveway just in time to catch Sid hot-footing across the front garden (in socks no shoes), in a desperate attempt to snitch on her brother. "Grady called me a bitch" she screams at the top of her voice. At that moment a disembodied voice floats out of an upstairs  window "She called me an asshole first". So much for keeping up the pretense of normalcy.

So now I have ten minutes before I have to take them to their school and they both want me to test them on their spelling words which are due that morning. No time to do them separately so I conduct the tests simultaneously - big mistake. Between the squabbling, pinching and name calling they learned to spell a couple of bonus words that weren't on their tests.

I had an hour or so quietly in an otherwise empty house, before I realised I'd received 4 texts from Lindsay, who wasn't feeling well and wanted to come home. Am I a bad mother for swearing a blue streak when I knew I'd have to go and pick her up ?   So much for the quiet, peaceful day I had envisioned, in which I had planned to decorate and turn our house into an Easter Wonderland, at this rate it was more like Alice in bloody Wonderland, with me as the freaking Mad Hatter.  

Long story short, I am still trying to decorate when I have to pick the other two up from school at the end of the day. Past differences are forgotten, and it would appear this is when the little sods embarked on their collaboration. Entirely ignorant of this turn of events, I go out to affix a decoration to the front door only to have the ass-wipes lock me out. I turn around to find them in the front window pointing at me and laughing hysterically. However, I soon wiped the smiles off their faces when I told them I ran over the Easter Bunny. It doesn't pay to mess with me.