I Drive A Minivan & Proud Of It

I drive a beat up mini van, and I'm proud of it. It's dented, it's rusting, it leaks when it rains and most of the time it smells like a stable but it's my van and I like it.  My daughter's greatest fear is that it will still be running when she gets her driver's licence (next year), so she is desperately trying to convince me to drive it into a ditch and leave it there.

My van does not run smoothly nor quietly. Instead my journeys are accompanied by an uproar of clunks, bangs, and clatters, I'm sure something akin to a Sherman tank trundling across a cobblestone street.  Normally when I hear a strange noise, and there is usually a new one every week, I just turn up the radio and hope that it drowns out whatever rattle or hum is on the agenda for that day. However, this week, I reached a point where there were just too many noises to ignore, and if I turned the radio up any louder, I was in danger of blowing the speakers, so I had to break down (no pun intended) and pay a trip to the garage.

As I am standing there listing off the complaints - grinding noise when I break, growling noise when I turn a corner, exhaust fumes when idling - apparently I don't need to be inside a closed garage to asphyxiate - broken tail light, oil leak, etc etc the mechanic is standing there writing everything down, desperately trying to keep up with my diatribe. Finally when writer's cramp gets the better of him he turns to Rob and asks "Do you hear any of these noises ?"  What ? Excuse me, what is he suggesting here ?  That maybe I am imagining these noises ? That they're all in my head ?  Bloody cheek. I point out in no uncertain terms that my husband rarely drives the van, and if he (the mechanic) was to simply drive around the block he'd hear the clamour and commotion for himself.  

I should have kept my big mouth shut. Sure enough he did drive it around the block as I suggested and doesn't he  find a knocking noise I hadn't previously heard. Just my luck. Fortunately it wasn't a death rattle, and repairs were conducted - much to my daughter's chagrin. I get to pick up my precious - hopefully quieter - van tomorrow. Of course I'm going to have to sell one of my kidneys to pay for it.