How To Carpool

I have in the past had the dubious honour of transporting members of Lindsay's swim team back and forth, and as the season starts up again, I must put into practice some of the pointers I learned last year on how to successfully carpool. 

1)  Don't communicate with your teen in any way, shape or form, lest you be mistaken for their parent ! In fact it's better if you can pretend you are total strangers.

2)  As such, you shouldn't remind her to use the bathroom before she gets in the pool.  This is a major faux pas, as evidenced by the way the van door was vehemently slammed behind her.

3)  Should one of the other kids try and make conversation with you, it's best if you pretend you're either hard of hearing or can't speak English or both, on account of the fact you may will say something to embarrass your offspring.

4)  Apparently blaring the radio to discourage conversation is taboo as well.  Any music you enjoy will be considered cringe worthy by the young.  Don't assume that pretending to listen to a "Hip" radio station is the answer, apparently that's akin to a comb-over ! It's probably best that you don't use language like "Hip" either.

6) Teens in hoodies, faces cast down as they text in total oblivion, all look alike to me. So if you do speak to one, resist the urge to use their name, because it's probably the wrong one. This social blunder is guaranteed to net you a withering look.

If you can carry all this off, with a happy smile on your face, you are well to your way to a successful carpool. I should add, that all the kids I have carpooled have been very polite, and had it been allowed, it would have been nice to get to know them better.