Bird Invasion

I have discussed our mice problem, our raccoon invasion and recently our chipmunk escapade, but I don't think I have detailed the attack of the birds yet. One morning during the summer I am sitting at the computer and I notice out of the corner of my eye something fly across the room. That wasn't right and I jumped to my feet. There, flapping in the window sill was a starling. It had to have come down the chimney, because there was a trail of soot in its wake. 

My first reaction is to scream for the kids - I have no issue with mice or spiders but hate birds. I would like to say that all my little darlings came running to my aid, but instead I got a chorus of "What?'s" from various places around the house. "Get down here! Now!" I screech. The only response this time is a loud discussion, while they try and determine who I am calling for.  Bunch of useless tits. 

Obviously I am going to have to deal with this myself, and I struggle to climb on the back of the sofa, precariously balanced between the arm rest and a side table and make a grab for the bird. This is going to be more difficult than I anticipated as it flies over my head and into the next window, swearing I climb down and chase after it. I might add, that despite the commotion, none of my children have bothered to come down and check on by well being.

With puma like stealth I lunge and this time my attempt is successful, and with the bird clutched tightly in hand, I clamber back down. Now at this point,  I could either open the window, toss the starling out into the bush and say Bye-Bye Birdie. Alternatively I could summon my offspring and show them what I had. One reason I have so much material for these blogs is because I am an idiot. I can never leave well enough alone.

As I head up the stairs from the basement, I summon my children, and this time they are more forthcoming and crowd around to see the now petrified bird. I opened my fingers  slightly so the kids could get a closer look, and sure enough it made a bid for freedom and flew right out of my hands. When will I ever learn ?

It took flight through the house and dove behind the buffet in the dining room. Now this is by far the heaviest piece of furniture in the house, well over ten feet long, solid wood and filled with china. This would not be moved easily. Fortunately Zach was over, so we were able to drag it out from the wall far enough to poke at the intruder with a long stick. But it obviously wasn't far enough, because as soon as the bird was prodded to within my reach, I lunged ... and discovered I was firmly wedged. This caused great hilarity among my children, who quite honestly until this point have been worse than useless. 

The damn bird has taken the opportunity during this commotion,to take off again and is flapping at the windows in the sun-room. I drag Zach in with me to move furniture and slam the French Doors shut behind us. It took a few minutes, with the furniture overturned in the middle of the room while I scrabbled on my hands and knees. The whole time, my bastard offspring, with their faces glued to the windows found this uproariously amusing. 

When I finally caught it again, I wasn't taking any chances. Gripped firmly in both hands I exited the house and set the bird free. When my husband arrived home that evening, I ask him to go up on the roof and check the chimney cap. True to form he refuses, arguing that we've been in the house 20 years and this is the only time a bird has come down the chimney. Not only do I like to get the last word, I also have to be right. Two days later another bird took a dive down the chimney, and this time Rob was home to deal with it. I would like to say I used great restraint and resisted telling him "I told you so", but everyone knows I'd be lying. 

I have to add here, that when I tried to read this post to my husband, I couldn't get passed the "..with puma like stealth.." comment, without his loud maniacal laughter.  According to him, "puma" and "stealth" are not words that immediately jump to mind when describing my actions. However it would appear that getting wedged behind the buffet is perfectly normal.