To Snore Or Not To Snore

My husband snores and as I freely admit, so do I. However the way we each deal with this scenario couldn't be more different. As I lie there staring at the ceiling listening to the snorting, grunting chainsaw that is sprawled beside me, I approach the problem in a calm and gentle manner, starting with an elbow to the ribs, which usually results in a temporary period of calm. This is quickly followed by a renewed vigour as the snores move in to top gear.  Time to bring in the big guns and a swift kick to the shins. This almost always prompts a roll-over and if I'm lucky I won't have to repeat the process until the next night. That is how I deal with snoring. 

Rob's approach customarily results in a near death experience for me. His trick is to hold my nose and then wait for me to breathe through my mouth, which I don't. He happily sits there watching me gasp like a fish out of water and has even been known to time these episodes. There is something seriously wrong with that man. For some reason I never wake up during these attacks, probably due to a lack of oxygen to my brain. Someday I may not wake up at all. 

Turnabout is fair play, and I decided the next time I had to listen to my husband snore at 1:00 AM I would try his trick. The only trouble was I couldn't see worth a damn in the dark and flailed around smacking his head searching in vain for his nose. I didn't stop him snoring but I sure as hell woke him up and boy was he in a pissy mood - go figure !

Never one to give up, a few nights later I had a brainwave and took out the mini LED flashlight I had beside the bed, figuring I could use that to locate his schnozz and pinch it closed. Things didn't quite go as planned, and as I shined the flashlight in his face, he shot up in bed hollering "What the hell are you doing ?" Who knew those little LEDs could be so effective ?

It would appear that Rob does not appreciate being woken up in such an abrupt manner, so it looks like I may have to revert to "Plan B". I'll still use the flashlight, but I'll just thump  him on the head with it instead. That should do the trick.