Even More Things I learned The Hard Way

As every parent knows, you are always learning from your children ans here are more of the gems I have learned over the years.  
 
- Do not, under any circumstances, mention the Mayan end of the world predictions within earshot of your children, even the teenager, unless you want to spend the next several months explaining why you are not going to build a fall out shelter in your basement.

 - It is very important to teach your children how to apologize properly. When your youngest calls her brother stupid, and you tell her to say sorry, you may need to clarify that "Grady, I'm sorry you're stupid"  does not constitute a proper apology.


- Choose carefully what you tell your children. For example; Rob thought it was hilarious when he told our children that I lost my front tooth in a bar brawl, and their teacher asked me how it happened. I was actually hit the face with the muzzle of a rifle, which  probably raises even more questions, so maybe I'll stick with the bar fight after all.

- When your child tells you she doesn't feel well and asks if she cuddle in bed with you. Say NO and lock her in the bathroom. If you don't, she will hurl with the force of a scud missile, and you will spend the morning washing your bedding, and scrubbing projectile vomit off the floors and walls !
 
- When ranting at your children, do not slam your fist on the table for emphasis. Trust me, it hurts like a son of a bitch.

- You may be able to win a battle with one child or even two of them at the same time, but if it goes off  the rails with any more than that, accept that you are outnumbered and admit defeat.

Any finally, remember, no matter how sweet your children are now, I can guarantee you, at some point they will become a walking advertisement for the use of birth control.