What You May Be Missing

For all those lucky parents out there who only have daughters, let me tell you some of the things you might be missing out on, by not having a son.

First would be Lego. Yes, I know they now have Lego especially for girls, and Sidney has quite a bit of it, but it takes a boy to booby-trap the hallway by leaving those itty bitty pieces lying around, so that you can have the joy of stepping on one. Believe me, even childbirth cannot prepare you for the excruciating pain that occurs when your bare foot comes down heavily on one of those sharply cornered plastic harbingers of death. Those are your true "weapons of mass destruction".  My only satisfaction was the one time when Grady stepped on a piece. If you think I took the high ground and offered sympathy and an ice pack, then you obviously haven't been following my blog. Instead it gave me great pleasure to gloat "Ha Ha, serves you bloody well right:".

I bet your daughter doesn't prance proudly around the house with her underwear on her head. Well neither do mine, but my son does, and often that is all he is wearing. He thinks it is hilarious to get a reaction - usually repugnance, horror, disgust and dismay - from his sisters. One of these days he will wise up to the fact we have a huge picture window (and no blinds) facing on to the street. Until then, what innocent passers-by witness is anybody's guess.

The bathroom, ah my favourite (again sarcasm). I learned very early on that if your son is standing there having a pee, never ever distract him from the job at hand so to speak, or suffer the consequences. There is a very good reason I pay my eldest daughter an exorbitant sum of money each week so that she will clean the bathroom for me.

Then there was the morning when I am meeting an old friend for coffee, so I took a little more effort with my appearance, only to be pelted with a snowball as soon as I stepped outside of the door. Yes, it was my darling boy, who should, before he does something that monumentally stupid, make sure he can make a quick getaway.  When I threaten to dunk someone headfirst in a snowbank I usually carry through with it. It's been a bit of an empty threat without any snow this year - but not that day.

I do love my son, but sometimes I think if it wasn't for the fact he is the only boy on his father's side of the family to carry on the name - all his cousins are girls - I would have sold him for parts on eBay long ago.