Is It OK To Torture My Children ?

We were practicing a full blown torture session on Sid this morning, water boarding ,electric shock and the old favourite, bamboo shoots under the fingernails. Actually she was merely having her hair brushed but if anyone was to hear the squawking and squealing that went on, they would imagine much worse horrors. It reached a crescendo when I threatened to get the scissors and cut all her hair off .

By the time this evening rolled around, I was ready, willing and able to torture all three of them for real, because after all, that was what they were doing to me.  It started off this morning with daughter #1. "I'm going to bring (lists off a bunch of names) home with me after school"  she tells me. Brilliant, the house is an absolute disaster, so I buckled down, dusted & vacuumed (which I hate) cleaned the bathrooms (which I hate even more especially as I pay Lindsay to do it) and even washed the floors, which is almost unheard of.  It did mean that I didn't get done the work I get paid to do, but that's OK I can work tonight instead. However, Lindsay waltzes in from school an hour late. Surprised that she was alone, "Where are all your friends?" I ask peering behind her, down the driveway. "Oh, I changed my mind" says she, "Too busy. I went for an ice-cream instead". You have got to be kidding me, I spend the freaking day playing Molly Maid and she tells me she's too busy.

By then it was time to pick up the other two, so I remove my hands from where they were closing around Lindsay's throat and off I go to school. No sooner have I made it to the parking lot, when Sidney's teacher spies me and she isn't smiling. She heads straight towards me, obviously with a purpose. I anxiously look around, but like a deer caught in the headlights, I have nowhere to run.  It would appear that Sid is up to her tricks again, getting mad and refusing to talk to her teacher. Last time that happened she put herself on a time out and went to another classroom for two hours. I come from a family of teachers, so I have an idea what it is like, and almost always side with the teacher in a dispute. Today was no different. So now daughter #2 is there on the naughty step with her sister, and if I'm not careful I am going to have to dispose of two bodies.

At least my son hasn't caused me any grief I thought, but boy was I wrong.  He is currently working on a Science Fair Project, which as far as I'm concerned is a merely a diabolical plan hatched by teachers to punish parents for the sins of their children. As I said before, I almost always side with the teacher, I don't agree with everything. Grady had previously told me he had to hand in his research tomorrow, so I have been helping him all week disseminate information on Solar Power, and I thought we were good to go. Oh no, that would be too easy. The little genius has just informed me he also has to write up his materials, purpose and hypothesis, and it all has to be typed. Have you seen that boy type ? If I don't do it, he will be there all night. 

Meanwhile I decided that Sid has to write out lines "I must not be rude to my teacher" and also an apology note, which was OK until Grady started telling her to what to write. He actually managed to convince her to include the line "You may give me any punishment you like", and other phrases to that effect.  I think he may have had his own agenda and this was an opportunity too good to miss.

At least the weekend will be a little quieter. Lindsay was chosen to attend a leadership camp, and it starts Sunday, so we're down one hormonal teenager.

I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been following this blog. I made it to 5000 hits this week, and I have readers in 22 different countries. I had no idea when I started this, it would take off as it has. So thank you all.  Have a great weekend, and I'll be back on Monday.