What I would Change About My Husband

I could score major points and end this post right now by saying I wouldn't change anything about my husband, but where's the fun in that ?  Anyway, as a rule, I generally only lie to my children, so here goes.

The first change I'd make is for him to listen, actually listen to what I'm saying. I realise it is a man thing to have selective hearing, but really he carries it to the extreme. I also accept that sometimes I drone on a bit, and he tunes me out, fair enough. But when he asks a question why does he never, ever listen to the answer ?  He thinks that by asking the same question in different ways I won't notice, but I do. For example,  "What are we doing this weekend?", followed two hours later by "I was wondering, do we have any plans for the weekend?", followed the next morning with "So, this weekend, we're not busy, right ?  Isn't fooling anybody. I know he hasn't listened to a single word I've said.  I have even tested my theory by giving a different answer each time he asks the same question, and he never clues in. I'm not asking for a miracle here (or maybe I am), but clean out those ears and concentrate on what I am saying. 

I wish that he would let me sleep in occasionally. I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.  I've mentioned before that I am a night owl. On school mornings, I am happy (maybe that's not quite accurate, but close enough) to get up early, but on the weekends and school holidays, leave me along and let me sleep. Realising now, that if he wakes me up too soon, he will have to deal with a total bitch of a wife, he has gotten creative, and sends the kids in on a suicide mission to wake me up instead. Alternatively - and I'm on to these devious little maneuvers of his - if the kids are up and fussing (and I'm pretty damn sure, even when they're not) he will admonish them "Be quiet, your mother is sleeping" in a much louder voice than necessary, usually making more of a racket than they were. This way he gets to wake me up, but at the same time can blame it on trying to keep the kids quiet. He really must think I've lost the plot, that he can try and pull this over on me.

Finally, I'd have to say after the last few weeks with the seemingly endless parade of mice traipsing through the house, it would be nice if he'd man up and actually try catching one himself, instead of leaving them all to me. Preferably without destroying a kitchen appliance in the process. Just saying !