Men Are Definitely From Mars!

I have two members of the opposite sex in my life - my  (as some would have it - long suffering) husband and my son who turned 12 at the beginning of January. Rarely does a day go by that a conversation with one or the other doesn't leave me shaking my head.

Take yesterday for example with Grady. Now it is no revelation that I don't do mornings. In fact I'd say with a fair degree of accuracy that I come in to my own about 11:00 A.M, peak about noon and fade quickly after 2:00 P.M. only to come alive again eight or so  hours later, co-incidentally when everyone else has gone to bed. My son on the other hand, hits the ground running - especially on weekends - and on any given day, as I'm sure his teachers can attest, he yammers on a mile a minute. Sunday morning, as I sit feebly nursing my first jolt of coffee I am vaguely aware of his diatribe in the background, only coming too when I hear an incessant "Mum! Mum ! MUM!". Once he is satisfied he has my attention he launches into a one sided conversation. "Did you know that dogs only have a 3 second memory span ? Did you ? Did you ?" I look at him in bafflement only to have him continue "No wait, maybe that's goldfish" and then he is gone.  WTF ?

His father isn't much better. Last night we had settled down in the family room to eat dinner, when he rushes off to the bathroom. He returns a few minutes later, and standing in front of me, with one hand in his mouth, holding out something to me in the other. "Wah bluh earg toth" he mumbles incoherently, motioning me towards whatever it is he has in his hand. "What the hell are you on about ?" I ask in my best concerned tone. "Wah bluh earg toth" he repeats, and this time I get the gist of it, that he has broken a tooth. A common occurrence for me with my background of English Dentistry, but something entirely foreign to my husband. 

I make the appropriate sympathetic noises, suggest he call the dentist in the morning and pointedly return my attention to the TV.  A little while later he explains that he has placed his piece of tooth in a safe place, and I must make sure not to lose it. Huh ? Not exactly sure why I would want anything to do with his broken tooth, but just for the hell of it I decide to  play along."Why are you saving the piece of tooth ?" I ask curiously. "To take in to the dentist of course" is the reply. "Surely you're not expecting them to stick it back on"  I ask incredulously "Because if that's the case, pass me the superglue and I'll save you a trip". He went off in a huff. Some people just don't have a sense of humour.