Dismal Failure

So there I was with January 1st looming and no resolutions in sight. I had contemplated the old stand-by of losing weight, but looking around at the mountains of calorie laden goodies left over from Christmas and the overflowing chocolate drawer (it used to be a vegetable crisper) in my fridge, I knew I was doomed before I even began. No way was I relinquishing my good English chocolate to my ungrateful offspring for the sake of a resolution.

I was desperate, I couldn't start the new year without some commitment to bettering myself, so I rashly declared to my family that I was going to stop swearing in 2014. This was met with astonished expressions followed by loud derisive laughter. It would appear that my nearest & dearest have no faith in me. Only Lindsay's friend Hannah had my back, and encouragingly said she had confidence in me. 

Fast forward a few hours, this was the first year we had allowed Grady & Sidney to stay up to midnight (maybe I'd be better off resolving not to make rash decisions in 2014). We were all watching the celebrations in Times Square with Ryan Seacrest (who personally I can't stand and think is highly overrated, just my humble opinion), so after the obligatory toast with champagne I returned my attention to the game I was playing. I was so engrossed I didn't at first notice the silence that had descended. I looked up only to see everyone smiling at me. Rob is the first to speak "You do realise we are not even 10 minutes into the New Year and you have already broken your resolution".  I was aghast, he was right dammit, I had let slip the "F" word. Lindsay the snitch wasted no time texting "I told you so" to Hannah. 

Unfortunately it wasn't an isolated incident. The next morning as I raced around the house cleaning up, my hip collided with the corner of Lindsay's dresser, and sure enough I had lapsed again, and again there were witnesses. OK, time to adjust my resolution, I will commit to swearing less, perhaps only in extreme circumstances and when I'm by myself !  Even I should be able to make that work.