My family have been on my case, so against my better judgement, today's post is about me ... and gravity. My sister cringes when I get "too personal" in my blog, so this warning goes out to Jac, you may want to skip this one.
A known fact that I have 3 children, and I nursed each of them to the point that my husband referred to me as "Dairy Queen". I think a heartfelt "the rat bastard" is justifiable in this instance. Anyway, most mothers will appreciate that after breast feeding one or more children, the "girls" are never quite as perky as they once were, and no longer able to defy the laws of gravity.
Growing up, we would take great pride in passing the pencil test - for the uninitiated, you place a pencil under a boob and if it falls down you pass the pencil test, if it stays trapped you have failed. Lindsay at 16 definitely passes the pencil test, myself not so much. We discovered this the other evening (not that it came as any great surprise) when we were joking around in the kitchen.
After I failed the pencil test miserably, my husband (the asshole) decides he is going to try other objects, the pencil case was first - failed, followed by the ketchup bottle - failed, then apples (yes plural) - also failed, and finally, because by then my patience was wearing thin and the loud guffaws of laughter from my husband (who should have known better) and my bitchy daughter, were getting on my nerves, one final test - grapefruit, which I am pleased to report I finally passed. They were lucky I didn't lob the fucking grapefruit at their heads. I should point out, I was fully clothed throughout this embarrassing episode.
So there you have it, a cringe worthy blog and far too much information. If anyone cares, my daughter would like to take credit for the title, she fancies herself a comedienne.
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