I had to enlist Lindsay's aid with today's post. After an interesting trip to the dentist yesterday, where she practiced her signing skills, it gave me an idea. Her mouth wasn't frozen, she just wasn't talking to me because of some minor transgression on my part, which had embarrassed her.
So, the top ten ways in which you can (maybe) avoid embarrassing your teen, and have fun doing it ...
10. Do Not talk to her friends. Hello and goodbye are OK but that's it. Anything more, even a casual comment on the weather is guaranteed an eye roll.
9. It's OK to give rides to and from school, but only if you pretend you are not related. Under no circumstances sit in the school parking lot, windows open blaring out "Old People" music on the radio. I thought I was listening to Classic Rock, but wrong again. If you really want to up the ante, sing along with gusto.
8. When clothes shopping with your teen, just drive to the mall, hand over the Visa and sit in the parking lot with a good book. Normally, this would be an excellent opportunity to cause embarrassment, but the tortuous hours spent trailing through the stores with the constant bombardment of god awful noise (I refuse to call it music) is JUST NOT WORTH IT.
7. Stay off of Facebook. Who knew that commenting on your teen's post could cause such anguish. No sooner had I innocently remarked on her status yesterday afternoon, when she came screeching down the stairs "MUM!! What the ^&%$ are you doing ? Stay out of my Facebook" Comment instantly deleted and lesson learned. Funny thing is, it was her potty mouth that I was commenting on.
6. My current favourite, Do Not share funny stories about your teen, especially if she is as clumsy as mine. No matter how hilarious and endearing you think it is that she fell in a hedge or smacked into a wall, and can't walk & chew gum at the same time, trust me, your teen does not share your sense of humour.
5. When your teen asks for your opinion, be careful how you answer - it may be a trap. If you admit to liking something, it's guaranteed the kiss of death. So instead of telling her she looks like the wreck of the Hesperus, just say you love her new look.
4. If you are ever allowed to meet your teen's friends and they come for a sleepover, pretend you are the hired help. (If you have children, you'll have had plenty of practice in this role.) Do Not offer suggestions for movies or activities. You can however offer a seemingly never ending supply of snacks and drinks.
3. On those few occasions that you are allowed out in public with your teen, always trail a few steps behind. This has the added bonus of sparing you embarrassment as well.
2. Upon knocking over a cereal display in the grocery store with your cart, do not expect your teen to come to your aid, nor your husband for that matter! You're on your own with that one. Do not make the situation worse by calling after your teen. She will pretend you are a complete stranger, as will your husband, and you just end up looking like even more of an idiot. Muttering under your breath about what you'd like to do the ingrates that deserted you, will only serve to get you panicked looks from fellow shoppers.
And the number one way to embarrass your teen...start a BLOG!!
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