So Long, Rat Bastard

I was talking to my sister when we were all out at breakfast on Saturday and she mentioned how upset she was that I had referred to my husband as the "Rat Bastard" in my blog. I chuckled, "It suits him tho' doesn't it" and then I realised Jackie wasn't joking. She was genuinely concerned. "Did you actually read my blog ?" I asked. "You know the part where he deliberately scared the cat the second time, so that it jumped out of the window and caused me grievous bodily harm?" I took that opportunity to show her the claw marks raked down my arm. I would have shown her my other injuries, but after all it was a family restaurant. "He deserved that name and then some". Not to mention some of the other lessor known stunts that he has pulled in the past, like the time after an almighty great row (on a wedding anniversary no less), when he admitted he had been tempted to bash my head in with a shovel. My husband is usually such a gentle soul, I can't remember what I did to provoke such heinous thoughts, but it is a testament to our marriage that we can laugh about it.

Anyway, it appeared that my sister wasn't going to budge, she still thought it was dreadful that I called my husband a Rat Bastard. God knows what she'd think, if she heard what I call him, that I can't print in my blog.

I should have known better, because for all my married life, she has always referred to my husband as "Poor Rob", not from a financial standpoint, (although with three kids that is also true) but because he is saddled with me. My sister doesn't understand that these have been the best years of his life, whether he realises it or not. My other sister Lesley, feels the same way, as far as she is concerned, Rob can do no wrong. My only sympathetic sister is Patricia, and she lives in England, so that doesn't help much.
  
Even my father sided with my husband, in fact at our wedding, I think he gave the shortest speech ever, and I have it memorized. He stood up, raised a glass and announced "My congratulations to Kelly, my commiserations to Rob". How's that to make a bride feel special ?

So in an attempt to appease my sister, whom I love dearly, and she will be reading this with her coffee in the morning, I shall do my best to refrain from calling my husband a Rat Bastard, even when he deserves it. If anyone can offer up any other suitable term of endearment, I am open to suggestions.