Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

Sometimes my ideas border on sheer genius, and then there are others that leave me shaking my head and wondering WTF was I thinking. Sometimes I just shouldn't - think that is. This week was one of those times. 

One morning I just grew tired of the insults being hurled back and forth between my children and decided to institute a new rule. I don't have many rules, there is really only one, "Do as I say and don't argue". That is what is known as blanket coverage, and on the whole, if accompanied by a threatening look, is more than sufficient. This week however I thought of a brilliant idea, and told my offspring that every time they said something rude or unkind about their siblings, they had to think of three nice things to say as well.

I was very pleased with this concept and was quietly congratulating myself. This was just the start of something bigger, grandiose plans of world peace started to form. I let my imagination get the better of me.  I'm wasted here, I had visions of heading up the United Nations. Trust my children to bring me back down to earth with a crash. 

Sid uttered the first transgression as we left for school. She told her brother he was stupid - on this particular occasion I happened to agree wholeheartedly, but I bit my tongue and insisted she think of three nice things to say about Grady. This took the remaining journey to school, as Sid racked her brains trying to think of something that wouldn't get her into more trouble. After a particularly long and painful pause in the school parking lot - where I wouldn't let them out of the van - she finally pronounced her third compliment, only to mutter mutinously under her breath as she slammed the door "..but he's still stupid". I could see this would not proceed as smoothly as planned.

Flash forward a few days, and I have all but given up. According to Grady, Sid owes him sixty six compliments. If she cant think of three, sixty six is going to be damn near impossible. I think she realises that too, because she has given up insulting hm and just clobbers him instead, when she wants to make her point. The one upside of this is that Grady can now count by threes and he has learned how to duck. 

I have not escaped unscathed. The kids aren't the only family members who have had to retort with compliments. There have been a few occasions where a slip of the tongue, has resulted me in having to do the same myself.  I thought I had this covered when I combed through my thesaurus and resorted to throwing around terms like "termagant", "obstreperous" and "vexatious".  Grady called me out tho' when he told me "You can use all the long words you want mum. We may not know what they mean, but we know you are still being rude". Damn, I was so close. 

Goodbye, world peace. Farewell, United Nations.