The First Day Of School ...

.... Or otherwise fondly referred to as "Welcome To Hell!"

So, one day at school, and it all comes apart at the seams. Sidney ended up bringing home her over large zippered binder that was the cause of a knock-down-drag-out-fight in the middle of Walmart last month. Turns out after all that I was right, (was there ever any doubt ?) and that she isn't allowed to have it in the classroom because it is too big. To wit; one pissed off child, one smug mother.

Next it is Grady's turn. He is short certain classroom supplies. My admonition of "Six duo-tangs are more than enough, what do you need more for ?" comes back to haunt me. Turns out after all I was wrong, (how could that be ?)  as Grady announces that he does in fact need more. To wit; one chastened mother, one smug child.

Meanwhile, I gradually embark upon the transformation from mother to ATM, as the requests for funds begin to mount; lunch money, cheques to cover class trips, cash for agendas, curriculum books and finally payment for the ubiquitous school photos. This is the one that really gets me, I actually have to pay for the bloody photos before they are even taken, never mind getting to see them. What if that is the day my normally beautiful daughter wakes up looking like Quasimodo ? Granted, an unlikely scenario, but if it happens ? Too bad, 'cause I'm stuck paying for the pictures anyway. 

As they commence to empty their back-packs, my blood runs cold at the thought of that chore I dread at the beginning of each school year; having to fill out the loathsome emergency contact forms - in triplicate.  I have filled out identical forms for each child, every year for at least the past six years. Every year it is exactly the same information, we haven't moved house, the phone numbers haven't changed, the same emergency contacts are alive and kicking, and the kids still haven't developed any life-threatening allergies or serious medical conditions over the holidays - although we came pretty close on a couple of occasions, but probably best not to get into that.

I'm so tempted to fill in the forms with bogus information this time, and see if anyone notices. So what's the worst that can happen ?  I'm sure they don't need my phone number again. With all the trouble Sid has gotten into, they probably have me on speed dial anyway. As for the "Authorised Pick-Ups", I'm certainly not too worried about an unauthorized person taking the kids home at the end of the day. They sure as hell wouldn't keep them for very long.  After all, have you met my children ?

Rob thinks I am being a little harsh, but I don't see him stepping up to fill in the damn forms. I didn't complete this much paperwork when I applied for a mortgage or even my passport. I'm sure all these documents are part of an evil scheme by school administrators everywhere, to avenge themselves on the parents. Oh well, one day down, only 108 to go until Christmas break.