In Their Words

My youngest two children spent the long weekend with my sister.  They had a great time, although I'm sure if Lesley heard them describe the highlights of their weekend, it wouldn't have been what she would have picked. So here is how my children spent their weekend - in their words. The first day was spent at Peterborough Zoo.

Sidney's favorite part: "They had this huge slide, and when I was halfway down I farted and it echoed and all the kids waiting at the top heard it."  Before I could frame a suitable reply - if there even was such a thing, she followed it closely with another revelation. "We saw two turtles having sex".  This was a little disconcerting, and I was somewhat disturbed by my not-yet-eight year old having such heady knowledge. "Perhaps" I countered "They were playing leap frog?"  "Oh no" Sidney responds determinedly, "They were definitely having sex, Aunty Lesley said so".

Evidently, I must have a serious chat with my sister. Our father was old school, and we had a fairly strict upbringing, at least my three sisters did. I think by the time I came along, almost fourteen years later, my parents had all but given up. Anyway, we were taught never to lie, a virtue that to this day, Lesley takes very seriously, the rest of us not so much. However, where my children are concerned, there are those occasions where you just have to lie and learn to live with it. Turtles having sex, would be one of those occasions.  

Grady not to be bested, chimes in blithely, "Look here, I took pictures of the turtles doing it so I could show you ".  This just gets better and better, now I have my ten year old son shooting porno movies of turtles. It will be a long, long time, before they go off with my sister again.

Anxious to change the subject, I asked my son what his favourite part of the weekend was. "Well" he began "Certainly not when Sidney farted on the slide, that was sooo embarrassing. When she fell off the picnic table and hit her head on the tree, that was pretty funny".  

Sidney not to be outdone, interrupts, "Grady, don't forget to tell mum about your rash"  Then she turns to me and comments slyly "Trust me, you don't want to know where it is!".

Wow, so after spending three days at a zoo, splash pad, park, pool, Toronto Island and the movies, the best they can come up with is farting, sex, head injuries and a suspicious rash. Does life get any better than that ?.