The Good ???? Old Days

Grady's school is huge with 4 large parking lots, the school, one south, one behind and one in front the school. There is a fair distance between the north and south lots. So, yesterday afternoon my sister calls, offering Grady a ride home from school as she will be driving by as school lets out. She tells me she is parking in the north lot by the goal posts. I text Grady to let him know and he trots off in search of his aunt. Several minutes later Grady calls, he can't find my sister. I explain she is by the goal posts at which point Grady tells me 3 of the parking lots are near goal posts. Surmising she has actually gone to the the south lot he treks back. I call my sister, it turns out she hadn't actually made it to the school yet and she is just about to pull in - to the north lot. I call Grady, but he doesn't answer, turns out his phone was on vibrate and he didn't feel it. Never mind, he calls me a few minutes later, exasperated because Jackie isn't in the south lot either. I've lost it by this point and convulsed in laughter I explained what had happened and direct him back to the north lot. He is none to pleased and rants that he could have walked home by this time. There were a few expletives in there, but you get the gist. As I'm finishing that call, my home phone rings, it's my sister. The entrance to the north parking lot was blocked, so she drove on past the school and parked in the south lot - you've guessed it - the one that Grady has just left. I try to call Grady, but again he doesn't hear his phone. By now I have tears streaming down my face and when Grady calls back to say he is back in the north lot and still can't find Jackie, I can barely squeak out what has happened. He is apoplectic, convinced we have conspired against him and hangs up on me, but not before I received an earful of a few choice words, well actually it was only one word, but repeated several times with great gusto. I call my sister to tell her to stay put because Grady is on his way, looking at the clock I realize he is right, under normal circumstances he would have been home by now. Jackie had been talking to me through her Bluetooth, and Grady told me afterwards that as he reached the parking lot he could hear my laughter from inside the car, with doors and windows closed. He was so not impressed. Gotta love my family.

What's In The (mail) Box ?

It appears that I don't need my children home for excitement. This morning Rob had taken off to get groceries and I head out on an errand of my own. I see the cat has a dead baby bunny. Nothing I can do, except curse at the cat and head for my van. As I'm backing down the driveway I see the not so dead bunny go lickety split over the front lawn with two cats in hot pursuit. I screech to a halt, throw the van in park and race across the lawn. Well, with two dodgy hips it was more of a hobble, but you get the idea. As I'm lurching across the grass waving my arms in the air and screaming at the cats, I notice the neighbours over the road hightail back indoors. No doubt my latest antics have cemented my reputation as the local nut job. I locate the bunny, prone in the grass. Fearing the worst, I scoop it up only to have it come alive in my hand and start squirming. As I'm standing there in the middle of the front lawn clutching a wriggling rabbit, it slowly dawns on me, WTF do I do with it now ? I can't set him down, the cats are circling like sharks. I can't take him in the house. - the dog is salivating in the front window, and I can't chance a repeat of the chipmunk debacle. I do the only thing I can and shove it in the mailbox. I call my husband, who isn't picking up his phone so I shoot him a text and tell him to answer his effing phone, and then follow it up with instructions DO NOT OPEN THE MAILBOX, and head out on my errand. I make it back home before Rob who arrives as I'm cuddling the bunny. He takes one look at what I'm clutching and said "You're NOT keeping it". I can't say I'm surprised, I wasn't allowed to keep the chipmunk, nor the baby squirrel I rescued, so I'm not sure why this would be different. Rob marches the bunny down the garden where he is unceremoniously dumped in the woodpile. And all before my first cup of coffee.

Grady The Grass

The time that Sid was inexcusably rude to her father, so Rob took a leaf out of my play book and insisted she write out lines. She was up in her room, desperately trying to tape three pens together, thinking she could beat the system. We knew this because her brother snitched. Rob just trippled the number of lines she has to write. Game on.

Please, Don't Ask.

Friday afternoon and Grady is hopping up and down in the rose garden. It would appear that he had lost a shoe on the roof (and no I didn't ask). Lindsay seizes this opportunity to lock him out. Did I mention it was raining ? In a desperate attempt to dislodge his shoe, he hurled a pointed stick at the roof which promptly boomeranged off and narrowly missed impaling him in the chest, as he fell in the rose bush to avoid it. Now it was getting interesting, so Lindsay and I pulled up a chair in the front window to watch the drama unfold. We didn't have to wait long, as Grady raided the garage and found an old floor lamp. Charging down the front porch like a knight in a joust he attempted to knock his shoe off with the base of the lamp. Although he is just shy of 6' he was still coming up short. Not to be defeated, he hauled out a recycling bin and upturned it in the garden. He is still hopping on one foot, and teetering precariously on the box he grabs the outside Christmas tree for balance. As it threatens to topple over, Lindsay opens the window and hurls obscenities at him (I think the word she used was F*******). After a few nerve wracking minutes when I wasn't sure if he would break the tree, his leg or the front window, he managed to reclaim his shoe. It was at this point, as he stood triumphantly on the recycling bin in the midst of flattened rose bushes, clutching the floor lamp, that his father pulled in the driveway with Sid. To Rob's credit, he didn't give Grady a second glance, and that people is how we roll in our house.

What Grady Did Next

Probably about time for another Grady escapade. We picked Lindsay up from Guelph on Friday evening. While she and her father were gathering her belongings, Sid and I waited in the van. That left Grady up to his own devices. His eyes alit on the huge recycling bin at the top of the driveway and he decided it would be brilliant fun to hide in it and jump out at his unsuspecting sister. First he had to get in the bin. Using his phone as a flashlight he checked out the inside to see if it was "icky". I guess it wasn't enough to put him off and he proceeding to attempt to climb in. I should say at this point I was telling him to cease and desist but he wouldn't listen. He wheeled the bin over to the neighbours side of the drive and proceeded to climb on their retaining wall to use it as a launch pad. It was soon evident this wouldn't work, as once he got one leg in, the bin would start to roll away, leaving him balanced precariously doing the splits. He called for Sid's help, and she was only to happy to oblige. I'm not sure whether her intentions were to help him or injure him, but suffice to say it didn't go well and Grady was forced to hide behind the bin instead. At long last Lindsay left the house and sauntered past the recycling bins, the moment Grday had been waiting for. He leapt out, but alas Lindsay didn't even flinch however she did call him a very rude name. Poor Grady all that work for naught.

Lost And Found

 My son is a Numpty, (certain people have taken exception to the fact I call him an asshole so I thought numpty sounded nicer). Rob and I were at an appointment this afternoon so we told Grady we could pick him up after his Robotics Club. First text we get "Robotics cancelled", followed immediately by "Going to library", followed by "Nope, I'm going home". Soon after, we are on our way back home and I call my son to see if his plans had changed again, but no, he told me he was already halfway home. A few minutes later I get a panic stricken call "Mum, I'm lost come and get me", stunned silence and then my reply, "How the fuck can you get lost walking home from school ?" It turns out he had walked with (soon to be ex) friends. They told him they were taking a short cut through HERITAGE - Grady assumed they were referring to the Heritage House which is a restaurant round the corner from the end of our street, so he tagged along. Ten minutes later as they were trekking through HERMITAGE park, Grady realised his error, and that he was actually heading away from home. He had no idea where he was, so tried using the GPS on his phone but it took him even further away. That was when we received the panicked call and we had to go looking for him. Now can I call him an asshole ?

Skunked Updated

Update on the skunk debacle. Otis smells much better - but considering how bad it was before, he couldn't smell any worse. Come nightfall, each time before letting the dogs out, with the intent of scaring off any erstwhile wildlife, Rob now proceeds to walk up and down the garden, clanging a large brass bell. All he is is missing is yelling "Hear Ye. Hear Ye". Our neighbours, unaware of the recent episode, probably think he's lost the plot.